Posts by paul

Caregiver stress

Posted by on Jan 25, 2018 in Blog

If you are taking care of somebody you may experience some caregiver stress. You may find that you need to take care of yourself and have guilt and or anxiety about doing that. Since we humans do not like being uncomfortable with guilt or anxiety feelings we dp everything we can to avoid them. In this case we avoid these emotions by not stopping to take care of ourselves. One of the problems with this is that we will likely to feel resentment toward the person we are taking of. This can develop into a serious issue. So what are we to do: start taking care of ourselves a bit and then feel guilt and anxiety or avoid this and not take care of yourself. You may find taking care of yourself may include thoughts that you are being selfish if you do. Think: what is the objective definition of being selfish? The question to ask is are you willing to feel guilt and anxiety to tke care of yourself so you could have a more balanced life between taking care of somebody you love and taking care of...

Learn More

How to deal with depression

Posted by on Jan 18, 2018 in Blog

A few tips on how to deal with depression. I am addressing the type of depression where you are not thinking about suicide. If you are you need to discuss this with a mental health professional. If you at any risk of hurting yourself call your local emergency number (in the USA it is likely to be 911) or go to the nearest emergency room. Otherwise some of the tips are as follows: 1. No matter how much your depression is leading to inaction it is more helpful to do value based actions even though you lack the drive or motivation. Value based is a term from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment therapy) which is a form of CBT. 2. Try to back off from buying into negative thoughts about yourself. They may be self blaming thoughts, thoughts about being inadequate or worthless. They could include thoughts that your are a failure or unlovable. 3. Get into a regular excercise regimen if your health allows it. Burning 150 calories each time at least 4-5 times a week could help you feel better in the long...

Learn More

Dealing with uncertainty

Posted by on Jan 11, 2018 in Blog

One thing that is certain in life: there is going to be many times where uncertainty is going to show up and dealing with uncertainty is going to be important for your mental health. What is it like for you to be unsure if a potential significant other shows signs of uncertainty about your relationship; if you hear that there are going to be budget cuts where you work; if your boss does not smile at you today; if your child is sick; if you locked the door well enough…all of these plus many others is what life can offer you. These can cause worrying. You may try to do reassurance behavior to attempt to eliminate doubtfulness. The big question is whether this type of behavior works both in the short term or the long term. Certaintly, uncertainty is uncomfortable. And as a human we want to do away with discomfort. Perhaps a better way to deal with these feelings to to practice the act of Acceptance. This could be in the form of noticing the physical sensations this brings up as well as the unsettleness that may be throughout your body. Instead of fighting these sensations and feelings, let them in and notice...

Learn More

Coping with anxiety and fear

Posted by on Jan 4, 2018 in Blog

There may be differences between how we are coping with anxiety and fear. To explain this better let’s look at two examples, one we may call anxiety and the other is fear. Please note that as far as this author is concerned there is not enough research to indicate that we firmly know the difference between the two. As a result, this author proposes that fear is related to certain danger and anxiety is related more to uncertainty. A case in point: You leave your house and you are not sure you locked the door or locked it well enough and this idea makes you anxious. You may even go back to check to see if it is really locked. The feel for this will usually be different then another situation where there is certainty: You house is filled with fire and smoke…it is time to get out and you leave and or make sure love ones are out as well. The latter example is one where you don’t usually need to read a self help book to realize how to cope. Now you may develop Trauma from the real event which can become a problem. It is the dealing with uncertainty that often becomes a problem for us...

Learn More

Coping with New Year’s resolutions

Posted by on Dec 28, 2017 in Blog

Before you do this I would recommend that you have an understanding of coping with New Year’s resolutions. That is, before you make one really make an attempt to see why and understand in your heart why you are doing this. Then make an action plan as to specifically how you are going to do this. After that, look at what the barriers are going to be that will get in the way. if your resolution is to go on a diet or stop smoking, as examples, try these suggestions. Make a list of these. In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment therapy terminology we are talking about Values and willingness to go after what you want even if it means you could get to be...

Learn More